Sunday, June 30, 2013

This is how tequila works...

So, my husband "liked" this post on facebook last night. Ordinarily I don't pay much attention to what he "likes" because it's usually something related to his work in the Army or his love for firearms. But last night, this one in particular certainly garnered my attention, and I was at once both shocked and wounded that it was something that he would have ever thought to "like."

The picture, as you can see, shows an overweight woman as a blur in the background, but as the man looks at her through one of many empty shot glasses, she appears to be thin and busty, of course. And the caption reads "This is how tequila works." Now, we've all heard jokes about beer goggles and coyote ugly. About how alcohol seems to make going home with the bottom of the barrel tolerable at the time. But when I look at this picture, what I see sober man would choose to go home with this woman. Despite her seemingly beautiful smile or her confidence or her personality. Without the power of inebriation, this woman is going home alone. And lets face it, even if some guy is so desperate to get laid that he does go home with her, she's never going to hear from him again once morning rolls around and he's gotten what he needs.

None of this is anything new. The asshole who made up this picture hasn't exactly broken new ground in the fat girl humor department. In fact, my initial reaction to the picture was "Hey, tequila works like that for women too. Except it doesn't improve your physical appearance. It just makes you seem like less of a fucking asshole." The picture itself, while not exactly an ego-booster, isn't what upset me. It's that MY HUSBAND "liked" it. Now, as far as I know, the first time he asked me out, he wasn't drunk. The first time we were intimate, he wasn't drunk. He definitely wasn't drunk when he proposed or on the two separate occasions that we got married. In fact, in the four+ years that we've been married, I can count on maybe three fingers the number of times I would say he was actually drunk.

As someone who has waged an all out war with my weight of my life, the fact that my husband "liked" this picture, quite frankly, scares me a little. I had gastric bypass in 2008, my great last bastion of hope that I could lose weight. I lost about 150 pounds, not nearly as much as I had hoped. We met and married when I was at my lowest weight. And then I got pregnant with his children and managed to gain about 50 of those pounds back while growing, birthing and raising two ten pound babies. I am not thin. I, in fact, more closely resemble the blurry woman in the background of this picture than the little tart in the glass. As we speak, I am battling severe anemia trying desperately to get the situation under control so a plastic surgeon will proceed with my extended abdominoplasty, during which she will slice me open from hip to hip, pull my skin up to my rib cage, cut out all of the fat and extra tissue, tighten my abdominal muscles like a corset, stretch the skin as tight as humanly possible, and then reposition my navel in an appropriate place. I will have an 18 inch incision, a wound vac, and two vacuum drains. All so I can have a flatter stomach. So that maybe my husband won't wake up one day and decide he doesn't want to be with me any more.

So what's the moral of this story? There isn't one. Except maybe that if you're married to someone who is at the very least a little sensitive about their weight, then "liking" the fat girl meme on facebook just isn't cool.


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